the copious online edifice of dj sallySALL

The question posted on one of my groups was
⬅️ “What can ruin a perfect church service?” ➡️
Some of the answers broke my heart. Here are some of mine (as posted there first but included here for y’all’s benefit as well:

“Music too loud

Singers with too nice a voice (sounds great but no one wants to sing along, it’s like a gorgeous concert moment!)

Singers who try to play guitar with much feistiness and sound out of breath (lowing)

Concert lighting and dry ice/Haze (liver shivers don’t always mean Holy Spirit, and also make it jarring when the sermon starts (coz I want to wallow in the concert atmosphere and not be serious, lol)

“Special music” (like a solo or song sung by a person or two or even a different band; Sunday service is a time of corporate worship and spiritual nourishment, not a captive closed-mic night or karaoke hell. If they sing well, we don’t want them to stop. If they’re off-key or have a beastly voice, or have a nice voice and don’t have technique then it’s SO distracting. For worse or for better. Leading worship is about leading the entire congregation into all of us singing To Our LORD; I have heard people debating this subject online and often the pastor will say “it doesn’t matter if they sing off, they’re here to glorify God!” And that’s true. But when they’re singing a “special music,” the congregation is not encouraged to sing along. This is solely a recital. And in over 1000 special musics (it’s literally called that lol) I have never heard ONE that sounded remotely decent. And the trashy PA system doesn’t help. It’s embarrassing, does NOT minister to anyone but the singer herself/himself and like one person who doesn’t hear tones properly, and maybe the singer’s mom. The fix to this would be to have their concert on a different occasion. Maybe Sunday evening or Wednesday (though I myself would be unable to attend these things without getting depressed at the lack of quality. Look, anyone can have a heart For Jesus. And I hope they do!! I want everyone to love Him!! He ROCKS!!! But. Not everyone is anointed to lead worship. Fix this by removing the microphones and planting the strongest voices in the worship team in all corners of the room and have the entire congregation sing together. No mics. (Or else get a sound system like elevation worship and leave the ghetto effects off of the mics during service. No reverb! If the song falls flat without special effects then live with it or choose something more appropriate for corporate worship.

(As someone who’s been in music ministry since childhood I have seen SO many ministries collapse internally or alienate congregation members for the reasons on this list, and more. Praise Team Hurt is just as much of a thing as is Church Hurt! :((

Ok and one last thing:

Wardrobe and Olfactory Distraction!
Lol. By men and women, by pastors and parishioners. Flesh is distracting. Every single week online I see people complaining about or even commenting on chest hair and or cleavage (hopefully not at the same time…! But anything is possible, lol).
Distracting! I’m not saying it’s immoral but some people have a hard time keeping their eyes on the preacher. And I can’t blame them. (That doesn’t always mean it looks good. And yes, if the person is able to, the responsibility to “be careful little eyes what you see” is on the person herself. But do we have to assault the eyes—or tempt—those who are being tormented by the enemy? Saying “it’s my right to do what I want! You can’t stop me and just keep it in your pants, Bucky!” Sounds pretty combative and is thinking of myself and my freedom over the suffering of another. Sure, we can’t dress in tents to block anything and everything that can tempt us or others but just make it about the other instead of Me First Attitude.
Finally, two or three sprays of perfume or cologne is too much when you’re in a tightly-packed room or auditorium. If half the people are wearing two sprays and most people are using non-I scented deodorant, shampoo, lotion, it’s just a lot. (This is to say naught of conflicting or “avant-garde” scents AND peeps who drench the synthetic fragrance to cover their own… natural fragrance (cultivated for days). Yes I know some people perspire a ton right after a shower. But all the body spray in the world will not neutralise it, it just links that spray fragrance with BO forever in our mind and makes us lose all appetite for decades. (Perhaps I’m the only one, tho.)

Anyway, I’m pretty sure most people reading this will become sorely vexed at most of what I’ve said, but just know that I’m speaking in love and with a mind and heart directed towards making the service accessible to one and all, including peeps with migraine, sensoury issues, neurodivergence, sensitivity, chemotherapy, neurological issues, addictions in general, problems with hormones and or “nsfw type stuff,” if you get my meaning.

Anyway, i pray that some people with the power to make decisions would take these things into consideration. Maybe your congregation really doesn’t have any of these issues (ie people who can’t handle clouds of perfume in a small space, or people with hearing loss in one ear and trying to protect the other ear, or people who struggle with flesh and chest hair. Lol. In that case there is no problem. But there are SO MANY who do! I belong to several groups online and know countless peeps irl who have struggled or do struggle with at least one of these things. And I struggle with some of them, too, especially loudness. (“So just stay at home, Sall!” I do. I do, friend. But I wish I didn’t have to 🥹😭😂
Much Love In our BELOVED Prince
Of PEACE and LOVINGNESS :)))
From
sallySALL
♥️✝️🙏

PS
I sure have tried headphones and face masks. But the off-key lowing pierced through the strongest foam!! 😭😤🥳 lol. Anyway. :)) ♥️✝️🙏